LEARNING THE LAW ONE FIST AT A TIME:
(Bond Is Back, by robert margetts)
My brother Burt was speeding around the house
on his new tricycle
so, I gave him a ticket for reckless driving
and another ticket for not wearing his seatbelt.
He claimed racial profiling
and sexual harassment
and proceeded to punch me in the nose.
I gave him another ticket for salt and butter,
but he tore it up in my face
and raced back off into the living room.
An hour later I walked into the kitchen
and saw him playing with my Monopoly game.
I yelled for him to stop,
place both hand behind his head,
and back slowly away from the box.
Burt smiled back at me and said it was his,
and that he had claimed imminent Domain over my property.
He didn't stick around to argue semantics,
or defecation of character.
All I know is that he smelled
and he looked mighty stupid in the eyes of the law.
Burt just flung up his fists and warned me
about his right to bear arms
and these were the two he was going to use on me
if I didn't stop harassing him.
My sister Lonnie was playing in the other room
with her new Barbie Doll,
not paying any attention to either of us.
Burt walked into the room,
grabbed Barbie by her torso,
broke her in half
and said she no longer had a leg to stand on.
He chucked to himself
and handed the wounded doll back to Lonnie.
Since Row versus Wade
gave him the right to choose between
the pursuit of happiness for everyone in this house,
he could damn well do as he pleased.
And, if he wanted to break some bones
or if he wanted to take what was not his,
then so be it.
The law protected him from unlawful seach and seizure
and the law afforded him the right to bare false
witness against his neighbor.
Yes sir, Row Versus Wade made that blatantly clear
and for Burt, it could be no clearer than that.
For Burt was heading to law school
just as soon as he finished third grade
I told him that he was dead wrong
and that it was Brown versus The School Board decision
that endowed us with certain unalienable rights
of life, puberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
And, if he wanted to argue the facts of the law,
I would be more than happy to ask Mommy to be the judge and jury.
Burt just smiled
gave me the finger
and said,
"you win, dude"
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