LEARNING THE LAW

LEARNING THE LAW ONE FIST AT A TIME:

(Bond Is Back, by robert margetts)

My brother Burt was speeding around the house

on his new tricycle

so, I gave him a ticket for reckless driving

and another ticket for not wearing his seatbelt.

He claimed racial profiling

and sexual harassment

and proceeded to punch me in the nose.

I gave him another ticket for salt and butter,

but he tore it up in my face

and raced back off into the living room.

An hour later I walked into the kitchen

and saw him playing with my Monopoly game.

I yelled for him to stop,

place both hand behind his head,

and back slowly away from the box.

Burt smiled back at me and said it was his,

and that he had claimed imminent Domain over my property.

He didn't stick around to argue semantics,

or defecation of character.

All I know is that he smelled

and he looked mighty stupid in the eyes of the law.

Burt just flung up his fists and warned me

about his right to bear arms

and these were the two he was going to use on me

if I didn't stop harassing him.

My sister Lonnie was playing in the other room

with her new Barbie Doll,

not paying any attention to either of us.

Burt walked into the room,

grabbed Barbie by her torso,

broke her in half

and said she no longer had a leg to stand on.

He chucked to himself

and handed the wounded doll back to Lonnie.

Since Row versus Wade

gave him the right to choose between

the pursuit of happiness for everyone in this house,

he could damn well do as he pleased.

And, if he wanted to break some bones

or if he wanted to take what was not his,

then so be it.

The law protected him from unlawful seach and seizure

and the law afforded him the right to bare false

witness against his neighbor.

Yes sir, Row Versus Wade made that blatantly clear

and for Burt, it could be no clearer than that.

For Burt was heading to law school

just as soon as he finished third grade

I told him that he was dead wrong

and that it was Brown versus The School Board decision

that endowed us with certain unalienable rights

of life, puberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

And, if he wanted to argue the facts of the law,

I would be more than happy to ask Mommy to be the judge and jury.

Burt just smiled

gave me the finger

and said,

"you win, dude"

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