HOMEMADE PERFUME

 

HOMADE PERFUME FOR MOMMY

 

Don’t have much money so I’ll start from scratch

Grab the scissors and pick open the kitchen latch

Can’t keep it locked or asking for permission,

I’m a 7 year old chemist determined to complete his mission

Just under the sink and near the drain

Scents and fragrances to tantalize my little brain.

Blues and yellows, purples and reds

Bottles with triggers and plastic heads.

Open containers filled with Brillo pads for cleaning pans

Bug sprays and shoe polish in unmarked cans.

 

 

 

I start with the blue Windex for that great shine

Just two tablespoons or perhaps nine

Mix some green Drano for that ageless soft skin

Shake it, roll it and make it spin

3 tablespoons of Pine-Sol should enhance the flavor

A tonic so sweet your mortician would savor

Just needs some color, some red or some white

So I reach deep into the cupboard and turn on the light.

 

In the back corner I grab the bleach and begin to pour

Count from one to two to three and to four

The perfume nearing perfection

Still needing that one special ingredient to add to my collection

And then I spot some Viagra next to a can of Lard

Might as well add some blue to make it nice and hard.

Odd that I would find this expired bottle under the sink

Because Daddy always hides it in weird places as it turns his face a bright shinny pink.

 

The final elusive scent just sitting in plain view

Sodium hydroxide, Boric Acid or some modeling glue?

Nah, not this time, those ingredients can wait

I need a pinch of Clorox to make this perfume great

The end is near, the elixir almost done

Bottle it, cork it and watch the fun.

 

It burps and gasps, foams and shakes

Slushes around and congeals like a butter cake

Oh the color and that smell so defined

Like a gifted sommelier inspecting my great wine

 

Tis the gift for mother this Christmas year

Not a finer batch of perfume cheer.